The Playground

Now her gaze narrowed dangerously as she stared out in front of her, her body seeming to go still as if she didn't breath. Her voice was slightly colder when she spoke. Haruko was fighting the urge to light another cigarette, which was unlike her. It was never an answer to resort to drugs every time something came up.

"Why? Just for the hell of looking? You could seriously hurt yourself, and end up dieing, you know. It's a waste of the life you were gifted enough to have and live out, compared to those who were not as lucky as you. You shouldn't abuse such a gift."

*frowns* i cant feel it.......

"Then relish the fact you can't feel physical pain, but understand what psychological pain feels like. The pain of a loved one dieing, the pain of breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Know that it's far worse then most physical pain, and then you can imagine what it's like. Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean it won't effect you, Shizuma."

While she spoke she had turned back to face her, her expression smoothed over to where it was almost blank, but her bright eyes were cold. As if they were brimmed with ice. She knew many people who would have used such a thing to their advantage, instead of abuse it.

*looks at the ground* but.......i want to feel it......
*frowns*

"Your trying to hard. Leave it be, and if you were meant to feel it, you will. Otherwise, it wont happen no matter how hard you tried. Then you find you spent your life in a worthless way. And if it kills you, most likely the people closet to you will avoid your memory. Like i said, psychological pain is worse then any physical pain. Within every person is the basic instinct to run from what hurts us the most."

Her hand reached up, fingers grazing her chin as she lifted her head up so her gaze met hers. The ice was slowly melting away in her eyes to something like sadness.

"You don't look like a person without friends or people who care for you. I also don't think you look like someone who likes to cause others pain. You have a life here, and people who love you. Think of the less fortunate in this world, who never had that chance that was given to you."

*stares at her sadly* your right..........

Realizing her fingers might actually be able to burn her, she let her hand drop from the girl's chin as she held her gaze.

"I wouldn't tell you a lie when it came to things like this; i know these things first hand. I'm one of the examples of what happens when you pass up the chances given to you in life. The real reason i came to Hokkaido was because i was running away from the results of passing them up. I've been running almost my whole life, yet it gets closer every day despite the distance i cross. Because of my actions, I'm left with nothing but myself."

*frowns* how horrible........

She looked away from the girl then, hiding her face behind a curtain of bright blond hair. It seemed impossible, but she could almost feel the bite of the cold night down to her very bones. She was saying to much.

"Remember what i said about my dislike of pity? For someone to truly pity me, they would need to know me and my situation. I can't allow that to happen, as it creates connections. I'd rather be alone then drag another person down with me because of my own stupidity. This is what i deserve."

*sighs and stands walking up to in front of her* that. is a lie.
*hugs her close* you deserve nothing so horrible.

Haruko didn't look up at her as the sound of the swing creaking as it swayed back and forth alerted her that she had stood up. She seemed to not notice the shadow of the girl as she looked down at the pale white snow. Shizuma didn't know the things she had done to deserve this life. When her arms wrapped around her, her eyes widened in slight surprise as she was pulled close.

It had been ages since she'd been so close to someone, refraining from contact so it was harder to notice the unnatural temperature of her skin. People would think she was sick. It was then she realized that if Shizuma couldn't feel the cold, she couldn't feel the heat either. Instead of struggle, she stayed still with her eyes closed.

"You barely even know me..."

*presses cheek to hers in the hug* i dont need too

She opened her eyes slightly to look, but didn't actually see anything. Her mind was elsewhere as she tried to remember the last time she'd had as major contact as this with another person. It was before she got herself into this situation she lived in now. Where she barely remembered what life was like anymore.

"Your so quick to trust me, and try and comfort me. While i do everything i can to push others away, telling myself i can't trust anyone. Opposing ideas, or more personalities. Seems like i've found another crack in my unbreakable wall. Go figure."

*blinks pulling back* huh?

"It's nothing...sorry, i was talking to myself kind of."

She smiled at her as she stood up, her blond hair straightening down her back as her feet crunched into the snow beneath her.

"It may seem crazy, but i say things out loud sometimes to be able to understand it completely. Maybe I don't deserve this, i don't know. I've never given myself a chance for change. The fear of it catching up to me keeps me running."

*smiles softly* don't worry

"I'll try not to, but i can't guarantee it won't bother me."

Haruko was still smiling when she noticed something. Her smile dropped a little.

"Hmm.."

*looks at her* what is it?

She frowned fully then as she brought her hand up and held it at the top of her forehead.

"Your taller then me..."

*blinks* s-so?

Her face was serious a moment, before she cracked a crooked grin. It was something she almost never did, this part of her old self peeking through as she laughed slightly.

"Now i need to get taller so your not looking down on me, or it'll drive me crazy having to look up every time i see you. Gah, why am i so short..."

*laughs* It's not that bad!

She almost looked like she was pouting as she dropped her hand down, long nails brushing her lips.

"Yes it is, you don't know what its like being so short..."

*laughs* i do.

She looked skeptical, her head tilted to the side and her icy eyes blinking twice before she sighed and acted like she believed her. Haruko looked up at the sky, then back to Shizuma.

"It's getting late; that field trip is tomorrow. Maybe i should go..."