| | | Love and fate. |  |
| | | Author | Message |
|---|
Nami-Chan
Sophomore
Chinese Symbol : 
Posts : 1921
Points : 1868
Join date : 2009-04-13
Age : 30
Location : In the dream worl with my brot
Character sheet
Strength :
    (39/1000)
Intelligence:
(37/1000)
HP:
(36/1000)
 |  Subject: Love and fate.  Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:37 am | |
| You don't know me, but I know you.
I know what you like, and what you do.
You pass me everyday, on the dark and lonely street.
And though you are so close, I know we'll never meet.
Why does God insist, on keeping us apart?
How will our love end, if it never got to start?
How can I hold your hand, if you can't reach out to me?
How will we show our love, if their all to blind to see?
Only one question remains, carved on a golden plate...
I hang that plate upon my heart,
"Is love stronger than fate?"
^^ I know it's short, but it's catchy too! Thanks for reading! Love Nami-Chan.... :D | |
|  | | Kim Ja-Yoon
Freshmen
Chinese Symbol :
Posts : 632
Points : 670
Join date : 2009-09-18
Age : 30
Character sheet
Strength :
(40/1000)
Intelligence:
(40/1000)
HP:
(40/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:54 pm | |
| Woah... You totally and completely blew me away. O_o I love this umm... poem? Well, I really love this piece of writing! ^^ And if you're happy with just those compliments, you can just take them and leave, or you can stick around to read WHY I like it. :D - Spoiler:
Well, first of all, as you mentioned yourself, it's very catchy. It's got a nice rhythm, and it flows nicely and naturally, not at all like you had to force it to rhyme.
Yes, it's short, but it's absolutely delicious. As the saying goes, it's always better to leave them wanting more than to leave them feeling sickly and overstuffed... or something like that. xD
Anyway, quality over quantity, and this definitely has quality. :DD
The MAIN POINT is that most of us can connect to this little piece of writing. Most everyone has loved someone and not had that love returned.
Actually, I suppose I can't speak for everyone, so I'll say that I can personally connect to this because I've felt the same way before. So this really touches me.
It's a beautiful piece of writing.
And if you'd like to see the suggestion.... - Spoiler:
The only thing I see fit to improve is the grammar and spelling mistakes. xDDD Go over it several times, maybe, and try to catch them. You don't have too many, but they're kind of obvious, to me anyway, so yea. xP
Otherwise, besides that little, pathetic excuse of a suggestion, I've got nothing. :D
Great job, Nami-chan. ^w^b
| |
| | | | Ayako
Sophomore
Chinese Symbol : 
Posts : 1364
Points : 1355
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 33
Character sheet
Strength :
(26/1000)
Intelligence:
(26/1000)
HP:
(26/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:11 am | |
| ^^ I agree with Kimy-San, Nami-Chan! It is very very good! :D
Yes, you do have a few grammer/spelling mistakes. But as Kimy-San said, there aren't too many, and I don't really think they matter.
:D Your such a wonderful writer Nami-Chan.... TT ^ TT I wish I wash like youz!
-Huggles Nami and Kimy-
:D I lurves you guys! You ish my bestest fwends! {Randoooom. XD} | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:24 am | |
| as Hiroko says "You rock Namida!" |
| | | | Nami-Chan
Sophomore
Chinese Symbol :
Posts : 1921
Points : 1868
Join date : 2009-04-13
Age : 30
Location : In the dream worl with my brot
Character sheet
Strength :
(39/1000)
Intelligence:
(37/1000)
HP:
(36/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:48 am | |
| = D ThANKS GUYS!
I'm so glad you liked it!
^^
TT ^ TT Yeah sorry about the mistakes. I'm not very good with english...heh...
*bows*
Hope you can forgive meh
*ish huggled*
=D Guess that means you forgive meh! XD lol | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Wed Oct 28, 2009 5:16 pm | |
| Nami-chan i can help you with spelling if you want and Hiroko is good at English |
| | | | Kim Ja-Yoon
Freshmen
Chinese Symbol :
Posts : 632
Points : 670
Join date : 2009-09-18
Age : 30
Character sheet
Strength :
(40/1000)
Intelligence:
(40/1000)
HP:
(40/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:45 am | |
| - Ayako wrote:
- ^^ I agree with Kimy-San, Nami-Chan! It is very very good! :D
Yes, you do have a few grammer/spelling mistakes. But as Kimy-San said, there aren't too many, and I don't really think they matter.
:D Your such a wonderful writer Nami-Chan.... TT ^ TT I wish I wash like youz!
-Huggles Nami and Kimy-
:D I lurves you guys! You ish my bestest fwends! {Randoooom. XD} Rofl! Uhh... I love you, too! xDDD And Kimy -san? No need to be so polite. Call me Jane, if you'd like. ^^ | |
| | | | Ayako
Sophomore
Chinese Symbol :
Posts : 1364
Points : 1355
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 33
Character sheet
Strength :
(26/1000)
Intelligence:
(26/1000)
HP:
(26/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:48 am | |
| :D Jane!
-Huggles Jane-
^^ Jane. Thash pwetty! | |
| | | | Kim Ja-Yoon
Freshmen
Chinese Symbol :
Posts : 632
Points : 670
Join date : 2009-09-18
Age : 30
Character sheet
Strength :
(40/1000)
Intelligence:
(40/1000)
HP:
(40/1000)
| | Subject: Re: Love and fate. Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:07 pm | |
| *is hugged* ^///^
Ohh... You really think so? It's such a common name... >.>
But... thanks for saying so. >///< | |
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